Stress Isn't Just in Your Head

Why Completing the Stress Cycle Matters

For years, stress felt like a permanent fixture in my career. I treated it the same way many professionals do—as part of the deal. Long hours, endless deadlines, competing priorities, and constant pressure seemed like the price of success.

Most days, stress showed up quietly. I felt tense, anxious, and overwhelmed, but from the outside, no one would have noticed. I kept pushing forward, checking off tasks, attending meetings, and convincing myself that things would calm down once the next deadline passed.

But sometimes my body had other plans.

Every so often, the pressure would build to a point where I couldn't ignore it anymore. A debilitating migraine would hit, forcing me to stop. Suddenly, all the determination and willpower in the world couldn't keep me working. I had to call in sick, leave early, or spend the day recovering. My body was demanding something I hadn't been willing to give it: rest.

Over time, I learned to manage these episodes. Regular exercise, healthy eating, staying hydrated, and treating myself to a weekly massage became essential parts of my routine. These habits didn't eliminate stress from my life, but they helped prevent it from accumulating to a breaking point.

What I didn't fully understand then was what happens when stress is allowed to compound over months and years.

Chronic stress occurs when our body's stress response remains activated for long periods of time. Instead of experiencing stress and then returning to a state of balance, we stay stuck in a cycle of heightened alertness. Research has shown that prolonged exposure to stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline can affect nearly every system in the body.

Over time, chronic stress can increase blood pressure, elevate heart rate, weaken the immune system, and contribute to cardiovascular disease. It can also impact mental health, increasing the risk of anxiety, depression, irritability, and difficulty concentrating. Sleep problems, headaches, digestive issues, and unhealthy coping behaviors are also common consequences.

Researchers refer to the cumulative impact of chronic stress as "allostatic load"—the wear and tear that occurs when our stress-response systems are repeatedly activated without adequate recovery (Burn, 2020)

One of the most important lessons I've learned is the difference between a stressor and stress itself.

In their book Burnout, Emily and Amelia Nagoski explain that resolving the situation causing stress does not necessarily complete the body's stress response cycle. A stressor is the external event—a difficult conversation, a demanding workload, financial pressure, or a looming deadline. Stress, on the other hand, is the physiological response that occurs inside the body.

When we're stressed, our heart rate increases, our breathing becomes shallow, our muscles tense, and our attention narrows. We become intensely focused on the immediate challenge in front of us.

Most of us are very good at dealing with stressors. We solve problems, work late, attend meetings, negotiate conflicts, and push through discomfort. We tell ourselves that once the project is finished or the issue is resolved, we'll finally relax.

But our bodies don't automatically return to a calm state simply because the stressor has been addressed.

To complete the stress cycle, we need activities that help discharge the stress stored in our bodies. Physical movement, mindfulness practices, meaningful social connection, laughter, and time spent with friends or family can all help signal safety and recovery to our nervous system.

When we neglect this final step, stress accumulates. When we prioritize it, we create the conditions not just to survive, but to flourish.

Managing stress isn't only about solving problems. It's about helping our bodies recover from the experience.

Notes:

Nagoski A., Nagoski E. (2019, March). Burnout. Ballatine Books.

Burn, S. M. (2020, October 26). What does “allostatic load” mean for your health? Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/presence-mind/202010/what-does-allostatic-load-mean-your-health